In the End
by miss-mariner
Summary: An alternate ending to "Boundless": What happens if it's Christian who dies and Clara follows to heaven? Would that change the outcome of who she chooses?
1. Another Side of Heaven

**SPOILERS for those who haven't read Boundless!**

**Loved Unearthly, really liked Hallowed, and liked Boundless...until the end. It was just too nice and neat convenient of an ending. Plus the awesome Cynthia Hand (who gave us this amazing world so I will forever love her) spent the entire book of Boundless making me fall in love with Christian only to give him a crap ending. Not cool. So here is ****_my_**** ending. In my head this will be the true ending that will make me happy. Hope it makes all you Christian fans out there happy too. And I hope the Tucker fans like it as well, because I still totally love Tucker. :) Starts out right after Clara destroys Asael in Ch 21. Hope you like it!**

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I stand there staring at the spot that Asael once was. He's gone. My breath catches in my throat for a fraction of a second while I process what has just happened. My glory fades as I lose my concentration on holding it. Did I seriously just kill the biggest baddest angel on earth? It seems surreal, and I feel like I can breathe again. Like I've been holding my breath the whole time and didn't realize it. But my thoughts are broken by a screeching voice growing louder like the volume slowly being turned up on a stereo as I come back to reality. Lucy. She's still here, and now she is royally pissed off at me.

"What have you done? You stupid girl! Now I _will_ kill you!"

I look up just in time to see her lunging toward me with her dagger of sorrow, fury in her eyes that is no question completely animalistic. That's when I notice many things happening all at once and all in slow motion. Tucker is on his knees recovering from being thrown down out of Lucy's grasp as she tries to get to me. His eyes full of panic. I blink, turning my head to see Jeffery. He's lunging towards Lucy, his arms spread out like he's sliding into home plate in a baseball game "nooooo" I hear him yell. I try to bring the glory sword back in this split second but I can't. It's too fast. Blink. I turn my head again and I see Christian. Our eyes meet just before he throws his body in front of mine, taking the full blow of the dagger right in his heart. I crumple forward as it hits him just as if it had sruck me. _You make me stronger. You are my glory._ I remember him saying to me. And I always knew that he was my strength too. Christian makes a strangled cry as I hear the sizzle of the dagger as it slices his skin. Not once, but over and over again. At least 4 no, now 5 times. Time suddenly goes back to normal speed instead of slow.

"Christian!" I croak out

_Clara_ He says back to my mind. _Get to the others. _I hear it enter his flesh and each time makes me feel weaker and weaker until I feel that I can't get up. _But you have to_. I think to myself. I feel deflated but I push myself up off of the floor and meet Lucy's eyes that are throwing daggers in my direction. I let my eyes dart to where Christian lay. He is still. Too still. But I don't let myself feel sorrow. Not yet. I have another black wing to deal with. Angela and Jeffery have made their way to Tucker, but without being able to call Glory and Lucy so much more powerful than them with her evil knife there isn't a whole lot that they can do about it. I try to summon Glory myself but it won't come. Crap. I feel the sorrow of Lucy, almost as strong and a full black wing. But I'm afraid that the majority of the sadness restraining my Glory is all me. _Christian? _No answer. I look across the barn at my friends. The only family I have left in this whole world. Lucy stands from her crouch by Christian walking in-between me and the others slowly, examining her blood drenched dagger like an evil villain straight out of a cheesy mob movie.

"Shame about baby brother," She says like it's not a shame at all. "So, who wants to volunteer next?" she asks. "You'll all die, of course. Even you Jeffery." She looks at him saying this last part with a slight pang of sadness in her voice. But not enough to actually change anything. I try again to summon Glory and I still end up dry. She Saunters over to the group. "How about the human?" She says taking Tuckers arm. She runs the flat side of the dagger along his cheek. He tenses but doesn't flinch. Tucker's not one to ever hit a girl, but I can tell that he wants to fight and is using every ounce of restraint not to whack her over the head. It's like the bears. You have to move slowly. Don't scare them. With no real plan we all stand there like idiots. My eyes dart around trying to come up with something. I try again, _Come on Glory. _But with Christian…gone and then Tucker… I'm too filled with darkness no matter how determined I am. _God send us something! Please!_ It's then that I hear clear in my head _fly. _ My head shoots up. But I know that voice…well sort of voice. Christian. He's lying in the same spot, he hasn't moved. _Now! _He's alive! Maybe we can do this! The thought alone makes me so light that I start floating before my wings come, glory suddenly filling the dark barn. I think I her Angela say "it's about freakin time" But I'm not quite sure. I shoot up fast, flashing like a lightning bolt. It's not much but enough to distract Lucy just enough to make her look up. It's then that Jeffery and Angela, now holding hands, explode into light. The brightest Glory I've ever seen. Lucy ducks her head instinctively to shield herself from the light. I take this opportunity to summon my sword and in another flash dart back down and in one fatal swoop slash the sword through her back, right where her heart should be. Since she's holding tucker to her front it goes through him as well. But he's not the one who falls. Lucy makes a gurgling sound and then slumps on Tucker, the unexpectedness of her dead weight on his back throws him off balance but he recovers before he falls. He then shucks her off of him quickly once he registers what's happened. Then looks down and feels the spot where he should be gushing blood but miraculously isn't.

All of our light goes out at once. I survey to make sure everyone is ok quickly then remember. Christian. I run to his side.

"Christian!?" It's more of a question than anything.

_I'm here._ He says to me. He must be too weak to speak out loud.

"Clara?" It's Tucker. "Clara I'm sorry…" and he really is

"He's not dead!" I say, sounding half crazy to my own ears.

_Not yet, _I hear. _I'm pretty close I think._

_Don't give up. I can fix this. _I start to feel Glory coming to my hands.

_Clara, you did so amazing. I'm sorry I…_ And that's it.

"Christian?" I shake him. "Why are you sorry?" The others look at me with confused, sad eyes at my question to his silent comment. My throat closes up with it's coming sob. "Christian!" His body is burnt and cut so badly I'm surprised he made it as long as he did. So much blood. Bitter tears sting my eyes and I finger the wounds. My hands move up to his face. I feel so weak. Its because he's not here, I realize. He's not here to share this pain that I feel. How could I have been so blind. So stupid. Here I've had this amazing, beautiful, selfless guy who would do anything for me. Who HAS done _everything_ for me, and I blew him off like he was nothing. I knew, but never realized how much of my strength I actually got from him until now. Until he is gone. My first instinct is to give up. Hunch over his body and cry and cry until nothing is left in me. But I remember. I'm special! I can maybe still fix this. I wipe my cheeks determinedly and summon Glory, forcefully shooting out of my hands and onto his body. The wounds quickly mesh together and heal, leaving long silver scars where they once were, but they are healed. I look down pleased with my handiwork, half expecting him to wake up. But he doesn't.

I try again. And again to no avail. That's when Angela comes over to me. I expect her to pull me off and let him be. He's gone and that's it. But she doesn't. Instead she kneels down across from me, places her hands on Christian and concentrates so hard, the hardest I've ever seen, until glory comes from her fingers and into him. Jeffery comes over a minute later and kneels down by Angela until he also has summoned Glory. His isn't as strong or bright, but it's there. I can see from my preheipeal vision Tucker, who appears to be kneeling down and looks to be praying. I've never seen him pray before but I'm sure he feels that it's the only thing he can do. I add my glory again until I hear the hum of Glory slowly grow until it consumes my senses. It is so bright and loud when suddenly everything goes black and silent.

I open my eyes and I'm alone in Tucker's barn. "Hello?" I call out. I look around frantically. Even Christian is gone. I must have passed out is all I can conclude. _Clara? _I hear.

I spin around. "Christian!" I run to him so fast that the force of our contact almost knocks him down but he balances quickly, clinging to me. I bury my head in his chest and grab the back of his t-shirt in my fists. I never want to let him go.

_I know. _"Clara what are you doing here?" He asks gently after I loosen my grasp on him. I look up at him. He brings a hand up to my face and slowly, gently, wipes my cheek. It's then that I realize I am crying.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"Well," He says, "as much as I'd love for you to come to heaven with me I'm not sure they'd allow BOTH of us. That might be a little too much awesomeness at once for Heaven to handle." He says jokingly.

"Heaven?" I say, ignoring his faulty attempt at a joke. I look around and that's when I notice what is around me. It's Tucker's barn alright, but I've never seen a barn look so…beautiful. The old wood is gleaming like it's made out of gold. The colors of everything inside seem so vibrant and clear. I suddenly notice the hay on the ground is stiff and hard to walk on just like when dad took me to see mom after she died. The door is cracked slightly open and an even brighter beam of light is filtering through into the already bright space. "Christian." I whisper, my voice full of defeat. I can feel a new wave of tears coming. He steps towards me and embraces me just before they come. I sob into his shirt. This is all my fault!

_It's not. _He says. _I would do it again in a heartbeat. Ha, heartbeat. Get it! _I whack his back with one of my clenched fists, not loosening the hug at all. _Sorry. _He says_. Bad time for bad jokes. _

I pull away from him. "Why is it you're the one who's dead and I'm the one who's a blubbering idiot?"

He doesn't make a sarcastic remark. He just grabs my hand, brushing his thumb across my knuckles, something that has become all too familiar, and says "Come here. I want to show you something." He leads me to the door, into the light. Outside is like the Lazy Dog Ranch 2.0. It was beautiful before. But now it is breathtaking. The water in the stream is clearer and bluer, the sky is brighter. The colors, like in the barn, more vibrant. And far off by the mountains the bright light shimmers in the distance. Christian gazes off knowing that's where he's supposed to go.

"So that's it?" I say. He just looks at me, his eyes full of sorrow "I hate this." I exclaim. "It should be me, not you. I'm so sorry I…" My voice cracks and again he's comforting me. I'm such a basket case! But I feel so hollow. I can't believe this will be the last time I ever see Christian. "I don't think I can do it without you." I whisper.

He tucks a stray piece of my hair behind my ear. "It takes me dying to make you realize you can't live without me. What a bummer on my part." I just look at him. "Look." He says more seriously putting his hands on my shoulders like he's saying something very important to a little kid. "I need you to know that I don't regret _anything. _Ok? I would do it all again. Every single part. Do you understand that?" I just nod. I did.

"What was the point?" I ask moving to sit on an old golden log.

"Of what? Life? Our purpose?" He asks.

"I don't know." I say. "All of it I guess."

"I have a theory" He says sitting down next to me, our arms touching lightly. I get the chills that always come with being in contact with Christian. "What if our visions aren't just a mission on earth but maybe like…a glimpse of what would make us truly happy on this earth?" I must look really confused because he continues, "Like, we keep seeing each other in our visions and we seem to kind of like each other in those visions." He nudges my shoulder playfully at that, "Maybe God is, I don't know, presenting us with the best option of happiness and if we just follow it we can have it." My eyes stare at the ground. I understand exactly what he's saying. And I think he might be right. Mom fought her purpose and said she had a hard bumpy life until she finally gave in a married Dad. Then she was the happiest in her whole life. I love Tucker. More than I have loved anything in my life. But I've always felt drawn to Christian. The thought of leaving him and going back to my life without him makes my heart constrict so painfully I have to bend over. I need him. I hate to be that girl that needs a guy but here I am. He puts his hand on my back and his touch instantly gives me strength. "Clara?"

I sit up and look into his eyes. Really look. He has completely opened himself up to me. Made himself vulnerable to me one last time. _Give in this one last time. See what happens._ He says to me. I move my hand to touch the side of his face and run my fingers along his cheek bone. His eyes close at my touch and he lets out a slow puff of air. He opens his eyes and they lock with mine. Asking the question one last time. I can't fight him anymore. The pull to him is too strong and I'm so tired of resisting him. I lean into him slowly. My breath catches just before our lips touch, softly at first and I feel the zing of electricity go through my whole body. He is hesitant at first but slowly he kisses me deeper. When he is sure I'm not going to pull away he moves his hand up to my hair, cupping the back of my head and my entire scalp tingles under his touch. His other hand moves to the side of my face and caresses it like it is made of glass. Then suddenly he pushes me deeper into the kiss, putting everything he has ever felt for me in this one moment. And I let go completely. Let his kiss envelope me the way that I have been subconsciously wanting. Our hearts hammer as our lips explore each other's for I don't know how long in our bitter sweet good bye. I can feel his joy. His emotions seem to say "Finally" and it is all that he has been hoping for and more. I surprise myself by feeling an intense swelling of my heart. The joy I feel is not his, it is mine. Why did I fight this so hard? I wasted so much time! Suddenly I am crying. Gosh Heaven sure makes me cry. He pulls away, his eyes full of concern. "Hey." He says "It's ok."

"It's not!" I say almost bitterly, the reality of everything crashing down on me. "I threw away so much! I threw away you" I whisper the last part. "Why was I so stubborn?"

"Would it make you feel better if I said that your stubbornness was one of the things I love most about you?" He asks lightly.

"No," I say without inflection. Then after a moment "You love me?" I ask stupidly. He just looks at me with this look that says "really? Are you serious?" I continue, "I guess you did go to Hell and back for me. And there is the part where you kind of died for me."

"Yeah, kind of." He says. After a long pause he says "I love you, Clara. I think I always have." I look up at him, his eyes searching mine. _You don't have to say anything back if you don't want to. _He says, _I just wanted you to kn…_

"I love you too." I say, cutting off his mind melding. He looks at me surprise and delight written on his face. "I love you Christian Prescott." Just so there is no confusion as to who I love.

He laughs and lifts his hand to my cheek "Took you long enough." His eyes are laughing.

"So what happens now?"

"I think I head towards the light" He says. Cliché as it is there is complete seriousness in his voice. We both look across the distance. In the distance the light almost blinds me but I think I can make out some figures. I squint to try to see clearer. "What's that?" I ask.

Christian stands up and shades his eyes with his hand. Suddenly he inhales sharply. "I think…I think that's my mom." He says in disbelief.

Of course it is his mom. Of course she would be here at this critical time to help him. Christian looks down at me then back towards his mom. I am happy for him. He finally gets his mom back. So why do I feel so empty and lousy inside. She looks up and smiles. She is beautiful, just like he always said. Her blonde hair is blowing gently in the breeze, her long white sundress swishing at her ankles just above a pair of bare feet. She waves to Christian and then beacons him to come towards her. Christian's face is a light with love. I can feel his muscles tense like he is getting ready to run as fast as he can towards her. He looks down at me. I am still looking up at him and while I try to put on bright happy "nice known ya" face, my true feelings must be showing anyway. He grabs my hand gently and looks at me so intently I am sure he is looking at my soul.

"She's just as beautiful as you said." I say. After a long pause, "you should go to her." I squeeze his hand twice before letting it go.

He grabs it quickly again. "Clara." He breathes. I can't look at him. I'm afraid if I do my heart will break even more and I don't think I can physically handle that. "You know I would go back. To earth if I could. With you. I'd put off seeing my mom again. Give up going to heaven, the land of eternal happiness and glory, at least for a little while, if I could spend a little while longer with you."

"Oh well when you put it that way it sounds so romantic," I say.

"I'm being serious," he says.

"I know" I whisper. _But it's not possible_.

"I'm sorry Clara" He says. He puts his pointer finger to my chin and slowly lifts my head up to meet his gaze. _One more for the road?_

"Now _that's _romantic," I say. He smiles a crooked little smile just before our lips meet. This one is soft and gentle but passionate all at the same time. It's every kiss we never kissed on Earth and every one we never will in the future. It's full of joy and sorrow. Longing and peace. I let myself get lost in the kiss, in his arms, in it all.

And then it goes dark.

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**Oh no! what happens next! I'm working on it and it should be up soon! maybe reviews will make it come sooner! (like if I know that people actually are reading this I'll be motivated to give the people what they want!)**


	2. Breaking up is hard to do

**Breaking up is Hard to Do**

I open my eyes and I am in my room in Jackson. At first I think it is all a dream when reality settles down on me. I bolt out of bed, feeling surprisingly good for all that I have been through, breathing hard.

"Easy there." I hear. It's Christian. I find his face and my body is filled with relief.

"But how…" I stammer.

"Apparently our purpose is stronger than death. Or something. I don't really know the logistics of it but it seems that once you decided to participate in our little destiny thing, the big guy decided to give me another shot"

I feel my cheeks burn. "Oh. Is that all? …So it was all real then? The whole…Heaven thing?"

"Yeah" He says casually. His eyes flash a look of determination then, like he's decided something he slowly gets up to come to my bed side. He leans down and brushes my cheek softly, his thumb slightly trembling. He's afraid that I'm going to reject him again. I bring my hands up on either side of his face and bring him down to me, his lips meeting mine. He is shocked; I can tell, by the stiffness of the kiss in the beginning, but he quickly meshes into me. This kiss is sweet. It's my way of saying I meant what I said in Heaven. But almost involuntarily Tuckers face flashes in front of my eyes. Christian pulls away quickly making a frustrated noise.

"No, it's not like that." I say. "It's just…I need to tell him."

Christian doesn't ask what I need to tell him. He already knows. His face goes from annoyed to sympathetic an instant. He comes back and sits on the bed. "I'm sorry. This is the hard part." He covers my hand with his. "A word of advice though, don't just say you're sorry over and over again. It doesn't go over very well." That's right. He's been through this before, with Kay.

I suck in a breath and push it out very slowly. "well, no time like the present I guess." And I get out of bed.

I'm sure I look a mess. I haven't even showered since everything happened. But maybe if I look like crap it will make letting me go easier for him! Here's to hoping. I close my eyes and think of his house at the Lazy Dog Ranch. I slowly open the front door and wander quietly into the TV room where Tucker is watching "the price is right" But he's more staring blankly at the screen, paying attention to nothing.

"Oh I love 'Plinko'" I say. He turns around while getting up off the couch.

"Clara thank Goodness!" He rushes over to hug me and for a moment I let him. Let his smell wash over me. The warm feel of his arms encircling me. I start to remember all of the good times we had, the good person that he is and I start to go under. I stiffen. _No. You made a choice Clara._ This is for the best. He notices my slight stiffness and pulls away. "is everything alright?"

"Yes…" I start. "No, actually it's not." Then I pull out the worst opening line in the history of relationships "Tucker, we need to talk." I cringe as I hear the words coming out of my mouth. Not only because they sound incredibly stupid and cliché, but because it makes what I'm doing real.

Tucker blows out a long breath and rubs the back of his neck. I can see the sheen unshed tears in his eyes. "Clara?" he says.

My eyes must give it all away. If only I could tell him in my mind like I can Christian it would make this so much easier.

His face suddenly hardens. "Don't worry Clara you don't have to say a word. I know you don't want to." He says bitterly. "What is it? 'it's not you it's me?' or how about 'You're a great person, but I've found someone else'?"

"Tucker…" I start.

"No Clara, don't. We've had this conversation enough times that I think I know pretty much how it goes." He starts laughing "You know," He laughs harshly, "we keep having this little talk, but then you keep coming back. And I keep on being the dumb guy who just keeps letting you. But you know what? I…."

"Tucker stop!" I yell. He snaps his mouth shut and looks at me. "Stop" I say quieter. "Don't be a jerk, I know you're not one. You know our situation isn't like most."

"It doesn't have to be." He says with desperation in his voice. "I'm fine with everything. Really. I'm fine with the whole angel thing. You know that. I'm fine with the flying and all the crazy stuff that comes with it. I think I'm even getting used to the glory stuff. Kind of. The thing is I _don't care_ that you're not exactly a normal Human…"

"Well maybe I care!" I say a little too loudly. Tucker stops. "Maybe I care that because of my 'whole angel thing' you have been nearly killed twice, well three times if you count how I accidentally stabbed you with a giant glowing sword. Or maybe I care that you will never have a normal life with me. Ever,"

"Clara, it doesn't ma…"

"Let me just get this out." I interrupt. "It does matter. It matters to me that if we get married our children will be more like me than you. They will have purposes."

"So they have purposes, so what. We can help them together."

"You don't get it Tuck! My purpose made me move from my childhood home. I had to leave it all behind without a second thought. You once told me that this was it for you. This place." Tucker starts to protest. "Yes I know you would support us and go wherever they needed because you are _so good _but Tuck, it would kill you. I know it would. I couldn't have that on my conscience."

"So that's it. Because our future kids _might_ make us move you would give us up?" he scoffs.

I was hoping that my other arguments would work and that I wouldn't have to say what I have to say next. But deep down I knew they wouldn't. "Tuck, I'm in love with Christian."

Well that did it. All the fight seems to leave his body. "oh." He says. "well I guess that changes things."

"Yeah," I say lamely.

"How long?" He asks.

"I don't know." I reply. "A while. But I think I just figured it out. We've been through a lot this year and, I don't know…" I cross over to Tucker and lightly grab his hand. He stiffins but doesn't pull away. "Tuck." I yank lightly on his hand for him to look at me "Tucker?" I say more quietly. He looks at my face, anguish in his eyes. "I'm…" I'm about to say I'm sorry, but I remember Christian's advice, so I continue "I'm so glad for the time that we had. You were my first love." Then almost a whisper, "I'll never forget you."

Tucker blinks. When he opens his eyes again they are full of something I've never seen. A sort of resolve and almost…acceptance. "I get it." He says "He's you're destiny, or whatever. I think deep down I knew I could never compete with that, but I had to try. I'll try to stay out of your way if you promise me one thing."

"Anything." I say.

"Stay the heck out of my barn! Gosh woman, it's kinda hard to get over someone when they keep popping up when you're trying to feed the horses!"

This makes me smile. "I love you Tucker Avery." I say

"Yeah." He says, "But not enough." And he's right.

It's quiet for a moment, his words hanging in the air. "well," I say, "I guess I should be going. Bye Tuck." I whisper those last words, barely getting them out.

"See ya Carrots." He says quietly back. I turn to leave when I hear a little louder. "Hey Carrots?"

I turn to look at him one last time, "What?"

"What do you see in a guy like Christian Prescott?"

My mind is flooded with images of Christian. The goodness of him. His loyalty and his purpose and his love. His strength and his courage, his beauty. I look at Tucker and say simply, "Everything."

He nods and whispers. "ok." And I leave.

My heart is breaking as I cross into my room. I barely make it back before I burst out crying. Not just crying but ugly crying where your face gets all blotchy and you make weird noises. I look out my closed window and see Christian standing on the roof, his back towards me. He's there for me, just like with my mom, if I want him. I wipe my tears, move over to the window, and open it.


	3. The last Vision

**The last vision**

**A few months later...**

I'm lying in bed in my dorm at Stanford. The new semester doesn't begin for another month but I've been back for a while. I just couldn't stay in Jackson for the summer, so I came back here. Jeffrey turned himself in, but Tucker dropped all of the charges. His last gift to me in a way. So Jeff's living with Billy about to finish his senior year (after crazy long summer school hours to make up for his missed year. Good thing being smart runs in his blood) Angela and Web stayed back as well. "you can't have a baby on campus! My roommates would kill me! Or him!" Billy offered to let her stay at the house and Angela gladly accepted. With her mom gone…well, maybe Billy could help fill the spot until she heals inside. Billy's been through a lot of loss in her life being 112 years old and all. Plus Angela had no idea how to raise a baby on her own. Billy was more than happy to oblige.

My roommates don't move in for a few more weeks and it's quiet. I lay on my bed looking out the window at the full moon shining over campus just thinking. I should be thinking about my summer with Christian. It was amazing. Once I decided to let him into my life for real I realized just how right for each other we were. It was a summer to rival my first one with Tucker. And maybe that is why I am thinking of Tucker instead of Christian. I still get a pang in my heart when I think of him. I don't regret my choice, but I worry about him. Worry if he's happy or not. Worry that he'll never be the same Tucker I fell in love with again. "Please God." I whisper out loud. I don't pray often, but sometimes I find myself with no other option. "Please let him be happy." And that's when it happens. I'm suddenly in an office of some sorts. It's night time, the full moon filtering through the open mini blinds on the window. A clock ticks quietly on the wall but sounds more like a hammer in the complete silence. I glance at it "10:35" it says. A computer hums on the desk and future me rushes to it, looking around to make sure nobody is there to catch me. I type something on the keyboard "XQLNY163". Weird. A screen pops up. "UC Santa Clara Freshman women's Dormitory schedule" My heart leaps. This is where Tucker was going to go! But there's no way he's coming now. That was just to follow me. Plus he's not a woman, thankfully! I scroll down until I find a name. "Francis, Lorene" I click on the name and in the box that says "Campsis Hall. Dorm #308" I click on the dorm number and quickly change it to #215, hit save and close all the windows. I quickly glance at the time on the bottom right of the screen and notice the date. It's today's date!

I'm suddenly whooshed back to my own dorm room. A sense of vertigo hits me as per usual with coming out of a vision. I shake my head, clearing it and instantly grab my cell phone. The time lights up, 10:15PM. I find the number I want and hit send. I wait impatiently as it rings then someone answers.

"Hey pretty lady" I hear.

"Christian!" I say breathlessly. I didn't realize I was holding my breath until then.

"Is everything ok?" He asks, concerned.

"I don't know." I say. "Can we talk?"

"Yeah, sure, ofcourse." He says "Do you want me to come over?"

"No, I'll be there in a sec." and I hang up.

I quickly cross to some bushes in front of his building. I'm there just as he's coming out of the front glass doors to meet me. He finds me, this being our usual meeting spot when I meet him this way, and gives me a hug. I'll never get used to the hum of our bodies when he hugs me. I feel better just being by him.

"What's up?" He asks as we start walking across the deserted campus. He grabs my hand and our fingers entangle.

I tell him all about the vision I just had. Every detail I can remember.

"I don't know what it means." I say.

"And it's tonight? You're sure?" he asks.

"Yeah, unless the date on the computer was wrong." I take out my phone "and in, like, five minutes! What should I do?"

"Well," Says Christian, "I think we know what happens when you ignore your visions." He wiggles his eyebrows at me. "And compared to other visions, this one seem pretty chill. No fires, no cemetaries, no evil angels. No risk situation."

"You're right." I say. I check the time again. "Well, I guess I have to go now. If I'm not back in twenty minutes come find me. I'll be the pretty one in jail for breaking and entering."

"Will do" He gives me a lop sided smile his eyes glinting. "My girlfriend the felon." He leans down brushes my nose with his and kisses me quickly on the mouth before I leave. I lean into him harder and time slows for a moment and I get lost in his lips. He pulls away, brushing my cheek lightly. _You'd better go. _Then playfully, _We'll finish this later. _

I smile then nod and concentrate on the little office at UC Santa Clara and suddenly I'm there. In my vision, but it's real. I see the clock. 10:35 on the dot. I find the computer, type in the code (which is the password), change the dorm number and cross back to where I left Christian.

He's sitting on a bench, the soft moonlight drenching his perfect features. He looks up when he hears me return. "Well that was fast!" he says.

"I am nothing if not efficient" I say smiling. "What do you think that was all for?" I say sitting by him.

"I don't know. But it must have been important."

I sigh. "Hopefully someday we'll figure out what all these visions and purpose things are!" I exclaim, not annoyed though. More curious.

"Yeah. Someday…" Says Christian. Then he gets a mischievous look in his eyes "But until then…" and he leans in to pick up where we left off…


	4. Epilogue: 10 Years later

**Epilogue: 10 Years later**

We're back in Jackson Hole. I haven't been back for more than funerals since Jeffrey graduated High School almost 9 years ago. As much as I love it, it hurts to be back. A small part of me still aches slightly for Tucker, and being here the memories are stronger. It only makes it worse. But the time has come…Mr. Phibbs. It's his funeral today. The service was lovely. I think about all of the funerals I'll be going to in my life. The thought makes me a little queasy so I push it out of my mind.

Christian is there he grabs my hand as we walk down the hill _He, you ok? _He asks. I nod. I am ok. I know that I'll see everyone again and that makes it bearable. _You wanna go?_ We've never stayed and mingled with all of the funerals we've been to the past years. He knows how hard it is for me to be in this part of the country.

"No." I say. " I think I'm ready. I need to know."

A look of understanding passes over his features. "Ok" he whispers in my hair. We walk to the car. I don't really want to get to our destination quickly so we drive. Soon we are pulling up the drive at the Lazy Dog Ranch. I see the pasture in the distance. Midas is trotting through the dirt with a little blonde haired boy, probably about three years old trying to mask a scared look with one of bravery. It's not working so well. And holding onto the bridal is a handsome cowboy, his Stetson covering what I know is a thick head of sandy blonde hair. He looks up at the little boy, pure joy and pride showing on his face. He grins up widely at him and gives a whoop of encouragement which makes the little boys smile become real and he relaxes a little. On the porch is a cute petite woman with wide bright blue eyes. Dark flowing hair reaches the middle of her back as she sits on a front porch rocking chair with some knitting project in her lap, completely forgotten, as she grins at the boys. Tucker looks at her with adoration in his eyes. His eyes shift at the sound of the car door shutting and they land on me. His face goes slack with a look of surprise. He quickly recovers. He stops Midas and pulls the boy off and makes his way over to the porch. He puts the boy down with the woman and says something to her. She puts her hand on his cheek, a look of complete love in her eyes and nods to him. He turns and comes towards me.

"Clara?" He says. I feel Christian's hand squeeze mine, giving me strength. Tuckers eyes meet Christians in a silent hello.

"Tucker." I say. He is the same handsome boy from high school, but different. A little older. Very faint lines fan out from the corners of his eyes, like he is grinning, but he isn't.

Tucker takes in our black attire. "Who is it?" he asks.

"Mr. Phibbs." I say.

He nods "I heard about that. I'm sorry." He says and rubs the back of his neck. He must be so uncomfortable. This was a mistake. We should leave. Just as I'm about to say so he says, "Why don't you come on over here. I want you to meet someone."

He leads us over to the porch where, what I assume is his family are. The little boy sits by his the woman clinging to her, unsure how to act around these new people. Tucker clears his throat and the woman smiles tentatively up at us.

Tucker gestures to the boy. "Come here son. Clara, Christian, I'd like you to meet my boy TJ." Then he looks at TJ and ruffles his hair "These are some friends of mine." TJ smiles up at us as if any friend of his dad's is a friend of his. "and this," He says moving behind the woman still sitting and placing his hands on her shoulders, "this is my wife, Lorene." I suck in a breath. I have never forgotten that vision I had all those years ago. I always wondered what became of "Francis, Lorene". Is this the same one? Or a weird coincidence? "Lorene, this is Clara." He takes in a breath like he can't believe he's introducing the two of us, "Oh and her..uh…Christian." I feel Christian chuckle silently next to me.

"Clara." She says knowingly, then smiles. "well it's good to meet you two," She reaches out her hand to shake ours and knocks her knitting off of her lap which exposes her very swollen, very pregnant belly. "Oh my," She says. "Clumsy pregnant lady coming through!" Tucker jumps to pick up the little pink hat she has been working on.

"Oh wow." I say before my internal filter can stop it. I blush. "Congratulations you guys. A girl?" I ask eyeing the hat. Tucker, still kneeling by her, puts his hand lovingly on her belly.

Lorene nods. "less than 2 months left…thankfully!" she smiles back at Tucker who seems to be at a loss of what to say. We all just stand (or sit, in Lorene's case) for a few moments before Lorene says. "Well you two must be hungry." She turns to Tucker, "Why don't I take TJ in with me and make some sandwiches while you take care of Midas, hon." It's not a question.

"Do you need any help?" Christian asks. "I pour a mean glass of lemonade."

"Sure" she says smiling as she shimmies out of the the chair, using the arms to push herself up. "the kitchen's this way." And she waddles into the house and everyone follows. Everyone but me and Tucker. He stands for a second then turns to the barn. I follow him silently. Midas has made his way back to the barn and is eating some hay waiting to be brushed. Tucker unsaddles him then gets the brush and starts to run it along his mane. So much has taken place in this barn. And I can't help but let the memories flood me.

"So," I start, "Lorene seems…amazing." And I mean it.

Tucker falters in his brushing then continues. "She is." he says. He continues to brush Midas, both of us silent, not knowing what to say. "Clara what are you doing here?" he finally asks.

Leave it to Tucker to be blunt. He turns to look at me so many emotions written on his face. "I don't know." I say. I feel so stupid being here now, "I guess I just needed to know that you were…ok. I guess." I say again lamely.

Tucker relaxes a bit and smiles, like he's thinking of his family. "I'm doing amazing. That's how I am." He turns to continue brushing Midas and there's another awkward pause.

"This was a mistake." I say "I should go." I start to leave then turn, "But for what it's worth, I'm glad you're happy. I really am."

He stops brushing and just before I'm out of the barn he says, "I was in a really bad place after you left." I turn back to look at him. He's stopped his brushing and is staring down fingering the bristles. "I didn't' know what to do. It seems so dramatic now but…I thought about what I should do with my life, what to do next and I decided to go to UC Santa Clara. I couldn't stay here. Everything reminded me of you. And I was already all set up to go to school. I even thought maybe, just maybe, things wouldn't work out between you and Christian and then I'd be a close shoulder to cry on."

"Tuck." I whisper for lack of anything else to say.

He continues. "I moved into my dorm and I was fighting with myself whether or not to drive to Stanford campus, just to maybe get a glimpse of you, make sure you were happy, ya know, when this cute brown haired girl burst open the door with two huge boxes in her arms. Her schedule said that she lived in my apartment. Talk about co-ed!" he laughs, his eyes gazing far off seeing the memory. "obviously there was a mix up and I went with her to the office to get it all straightened out. " He looked at me. "She's the one who helped me move on. Helped me get over you. She always said that you must be quiet a girl to have captured my heart so completely. Never had a mean thing to say about the girl who made broke me so bad."

"Tucker," I say feeling sick. "I'm so sorry I did that to you. I…"

"Don't be sorry." He says quickly. He turns his eye on me and they are light. "It was the best thing you could ever do, letting me go that is. You were right. I belong here. I would have followed you anywhere, you know that. But you knew I belong here. I couldn't even imagine it then, but I wouldn't trade any part of my life now for anything." He pauses then smiles jokingly. "Not even you" But jokes aside I know he's serious. And I'm glad.

I smile, truly happy for him. "So," I say changing the subject as he finishes up Midas and leads him to a stall. "You're a dad!"

"I know crazy huh?" He replies, the old Tucker I remember now that all the serious awkward stuff is out of the way.

We start walking back to the house. "He looks like you." I say. "How old is he?"

"Just turned three. I can't believe it!"

"Wow." I reply. "and another on the way! You dog you!" I joke nudging him playfully in the arm. He laughs.

"Yup, just call me stud." He says proudly.

I shake my head and laugh. I'm so light knowing that Tucker is so happy. A slight pang knowing that this could be my life if I would have made a different choice washes over me. But then I think of Christian and the amazing life we've had so far and realize, like Tucker, I wouldn't trade it for anything, not even him.

"What about you and Chris?" he asks. "What's the status of you guys."

I hold up my left hand to show a glittering ring. "Last May," I say.

"Congrats." He says taking my hand to examine the ring. It feels warm and comfortable to have him hold my hand, but not the same. We've both moved on. And that makes me smile.

"So," He says, "Kids? Let me tell ya they're pretty awesome."

I stop and go silent.

"No!" he says, his eyes lighting up. "When?"

"I'm not sure," I say. "I just found out. I haven't even told Christian yet." Tucker let out a whistle. "I can feel them though. With my weird feeling thing. That's how I knew."

"Wait..." Tucker says, "'them'?"

"I think it's twins."

Tucker lets out a whoop. "oh man. Now who's the stud?" he laughs.

"Shhhhh." I say laughing.

As we near the house Lorene steps out, looking happy as she sees the smiles on our faces "There you guys are! Better hurry or the preggo's gonna eat all the food!"

"Oh no!" Tucker jokes. " Run!" and he does run. He runs up the steps and barrels into her (gently of course) and plants a big kiss on her cheek. I walk inside and it looks the same as so long ago. Christian is on the floor with TJ engrossed it what appears to be a very complicated game of cowboys and Indians with TJ little plastic figurines. He looks up at me and grins.

We have lunch and stay and talk for hours. It's like old times, only Christian and Tucker can be in the same room without wanting to hit each other. I find out that Tucker and his family live here with Tucker's parents, who are at an animal auction in Denver right now, while they build their home on the Palisades land. The sun starts to set and that's our cue to leave. They have to get little TJ (Tucker Jr) to bed.

As we shuffle out the door and say our good byes Lorene grabs me in for a hug. "It was so great to finally meet you." She whispers. Then louder to both of us "Now you two don't be strangers. Come visit this baby when she's born. I'll be offended if you don't."

"Yes ma'am!" Says Christian.

Tucker laughs "She means it. She's may be little but she's mean." Then he looks at me and brings me in for a hug. "Take care Carrots." He says. Then more quietly "and tell him soon. He'll want to know." Chrstians eye's flicker over to us confused but then looks away as he give Lorene a hug.

We wander out to the car and he opens the door for me. He gets in his side and we drive off. He lets me bask in my new lightness that comes with the knowledge that Tucker is happy before he asks. "So what did you need to tell me?"

"Oh," I reply, "Dang super angel hearing!" I say jokingly.

He laughs. _Seriously, is everything ok?_

I push out a breath. "You might want to pull over."

**The End**


End file.
